Daily Reflections

 Today is December 31, 2022 and I wanted to write some reflections on how the last year has been. One of my major goals for this year was to run 1000 miles during the year, and I'm happy to say that I achieved this goal! I ran for 1001.2 miles this year despite a few cases of illness(a case of COVID, a case of the stomach bug) as well as injury(posterior tibial tendonitis / pain in ankle and feet). In November, I was at about ~850miles completed and my feet and ankles were killing me(and still haven't completely recovered). First, it started out as pain in my right ankle and inside tendon. I thought it was because my shoes were worn out, but even after swapping in new shoes the pain didn't subside. I tried taking a few days break with no running and it did help, but I wasn't able to take enough time off for it to completely heal. As my right foot recovered, I think I started favoring my left side more and the same pain and soreness developed as a result. I was so close ...

Again, it's been awhile since my last entry, but again I feel the need to jot down my thoughts and to reflect on my life at this point in time.  A lot has changed again since my last update. Earlier this year I started a new job which I thought at the time would be a great new chapter of my life. I had achieved what I was working towards for many years: a higher title and a higher salary. Great! All is right in the world! However, as I soon found out(and what my much more wise wife has told me) money cannot solve all problems.  I originally took this role because the salary was a huge increase(50%!) and I thought that with my background I would be able to succeed in this role with minimal issue. However, this job has proven much more challenging than I expected.  It is working on the development side from inception of a product, through full test proposal, through implementation and release. The full life-cycle of a product. I do not have experience in such an extensive p...

 Today was a very sad day in our lives. Sadly, we had to attend the funeral service(virtually, due to Covid concerns rising again) of our dear friend who unexpectedly and very suddenly had passed away last week on Sunday July 25th, 2021. I will always remember him as a very caring, jolly, and adventurous person. Whenever we would gather together with friends, he would talk about his latest travels(pre-pandemic) and all of the great food and experiences he had. He loved travelling, seeing new places, and exploring the culture and talking with the people he met. He was a man of few words, very private about his life, but when it came to friends and family he would do anything to make sure everyone was enjoying themselves and felt comfortable. After hearing all of the words spoken about him today, I had no idea how many people he had an impact on. But I can tell, he had a deep heart and was more like the silently loving father or uncle to many. The type of person who would do things b...

 It's been quite a while since my last post and as I read through my past posts, I am happy to say that quite a lot of changes have happened in the last 2 years. The inspiration for the start of this online journal was due to extreme stress in my work and constant feeling of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. It was a good way for me to have an outlet to express my thoughts and feelings in the moment as well as serve as an interesting way to look back on the past me. Shortly after my last post, in April 2019 I started a new job! I managed to escape the hell which was my last work group and start fresh in a new, supportive environment. The start of my new job was the beginning of implementing a new "smart" factory in my area to manufacture, assemble, and test new 5G radio products. It was a breath of fresh air to start working on something so new to me. A project I could learn and work hard on to make successful. A project that I actually cared about again. The initial...

Even when I read the title of this post I say to myself, "Easier said than done!" Whenever people are feeling down as a consequence of the actions of others, it's easy to say "Don't worry about it! Don't let those people affect you!" It's easy to say, but quite difficult to put into action. For the past year or so, I have been sitting and drowning in a negative work environment. I keep telling myself "Maybe it will get better! This is just a temporary period." But it is becoming more and more clear that if I don't actively work to change my own situation, no one is going to bail me out. I have been looking for other job prospects for about 7 months now and I am getting more frustrated and desperate as time goes on. Yesterday, I had my annual performance review with my manager where they give us our "white sheets". These papers outline your annual raise, bonuses, etc. and give employees and their managers a change to sit dow...

August 11, 2018 So it is 5:42am and I cannot sleep. Yesterday, was another demotivating day where I had a meeting with my manager to discuss project updates again. About 2 weeks ago, I was asked(but really just assigned) to pick up another project by a rotation engineer who left the group. I had no prior experience or background in this project(new tool I never used or had training for, new board design I had never seen, new programming language I had never used). Personally, I think I picked up this project and made a lot of progress on it so far, working a majority of the time on it. However, a point that both my direct manager as well as the one above him have made is that this additional task should not  affect the schedule and tasks for my main project. This seems like a very unreasonable request as essentially it is saying that the new project should require 0 time and effort, making no impact on my current workload. In our weekly meetings, I am constantly and consisten...

July 10, 2018 This morning was quite a depressing and eye-opening day. I sat staring at my computer screen looking over the same document and same design circuits I have been looking at for the last 5-6 months. I realized that I no longer have any interest in the project I am working on, I have no motivation to make sure it is successful and I am not happy at work. I was literally just staring at the computer screen as my eyes went in and out of focus of what I was looking at. I have no personal grudge or objection to my current or past managers, but I believe their behavior and attitude of how they should treat young employees is misguided. Last Friday, we had a dry-run of our deep dive presentations with my old manager. One of my co-workers was on a rotation program and she will be returning to the group on Monday. During her presentation, my old manager grilled her the whole time. "Do you know anything about your product? Is your [lack of knowledge] because the design infor...