Career Restart Initiated?

 Back again with another post, this time from our home back in the US of A. We concluded our 6month sabbatical overseas and had a truly amazing time. Seeing family and immersing ourselves in the culture of Vietnam/Malaysia was a blessing. It has been such a big transition back to our normal routine in the US(including the big increase in food bills and general cost of living haha). We have started the routine of returning to work and luckily my wife has been able to secure a position back at her previous employer. It is a step-down in title, but the pay is actually a bit more than her previous salary, which is good news as it means there is more room for growth. I am so happy for her to be able to secure a job relatively quickly and smoothly. 

My journey back to work has been a different story. I have had a pretty difficult time finding roles which match with my background and experience, and those that do are very underpaid(I'm talking like 40% paycut). This is a difficult pill to swallow for me. I knew that I would probably not be able to secure a job as "cushy" as before, but it was surprising to see how much lower paid the roles are. The job market is also simultaneously very challenging at the moment, tons of layoffs and tons of people looking for work. Although we are comfortable financially, I can't hide the fact that being out of work is pretty stressful and gives me anxiety. 

I applied to a semiconductor company while I was overseas and their hiring process was truly puzzling. I had a single 1 hour interview session with 3 engineers...who did not even bother to turn on their cameras haha! I was talking to 3 blank screens watching myself! After this interview was over, they presented an offer(which was decent to be fair), but noted that the job location would be changing a few months later. This would increase my commute time noticeably and in the end I decided to decline the offer. The role itself I also concluded would not be really something I was too thrilled about doing either.

After that first experience, I then applied to a role back at a previous company under a previous manager I had, and I had very high hopes for this opportunity. Unfortunately, after going through multiple interview rounds and waiting anxiously for 2 weeks, I also was completely disappointed to hear today their offer which was almost a slap in the face. They refused to increase my job title(which I had 3 years ago!) which in turn ended up locking my pay band into a measly ~10% cumulative raise from when I left the company...The recruiting process at this company was still as poor as it was when I first interviewed 6 years ago, poor communication, poor organization, and this current recruiter really tried to sell the position as someting I should be grateful for(even though it was my manager who asked me to apply). Hugely, disappointing to put in all that effort just to hear such a low-ball offer(which I even stated up-front what my expectation range was). I've concluded that this company simply does not really value me as an employee to pay me what I am worth(which is actually a huge reason why I left previously). This experience has truly soured my impression of this company and group in general, leading me to probably not apply in the future anymore...

In general, I am sadly still struggling with self-confidence and self-worth when it comes to "work". Although I have improved my perspective on how to be more socially comfortable at work(having the confidence to say "no", setting stronger boundaries, putting more effort into the direction of my career and trying to connect more with teammates), I still have many self-doubts when it comes to performing(or pursuing in this case) work where I have minimal experience. I have a 3rd job offer coming soon, but it will be in a field which I have no experience at all. Of course my technical background and problem-solving experience will come in handy, but the actual technical work will be new to me. This leads me to much hesitation about accepting the role. 

Is this even something I want to do? What DO I want to do?

However, my wife has smartly explained that if I were to decline this offer, as my unemployment extends, I will most likely become more anxious and desperate for work. As a result, I may end up feeling pressure to accept an even lower pay role for something even more completely unrelated...So I should take what I can get, especially in this job market. I would rather work for a year or 2 and find out I want to switch, rather than remain unemployed for possibly another 6 months, only to accept a lower, unrelated role.

I really don't know anymore how to address my problems with work. I keep questioning why it is so difficult for me to find fulfilling, valuable work. Work which makes me feel accomplished, but also work that I can feel comfortable and confident in. Maybe my expecations are too high. Maybe I don't have any idea what I actually want. It's hard to see friends and peers seemingly cruising through their careers making progress while enjoying the journey, while I struggle to even piece together what I'm looking for. I feel aimless, without a clear purpose, without a clear goal. How can I shift my mindset? How can I gain more clarity in my career path? Am I thinking too much? Maybe I need to just put my head down and do the work. Take the time to really learn something and get good at it. Then the satisfaction and confidence will follow. Then the opportunities will present themselves.

Cheers