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Struggles with Self-Worth and Self-Confidence(Again...I know)

Checking in again after another break in writing. I know like I sound like a broken record here(especially as I look back at my previous post throughout the years), but I have been struggling a lot lately when it comes to career satisfaction and how it affects my view of my own self-worth.  Reading back on my last post, I was excited to start my new job as I saw it as an opportunity to step outside of my comfort zone and learn new things. It is true I have learned an immense amount by joining my new company. I have learned a lot of test and measurement equipment usage and skills, how to verify new PCBA designs, how to load and use custom firmware, how to work with external vendors to develop custom automated test solutions, etc. Overall, I have become much more confident in using electronic test equipment and am very happy about that! However, over the last few months and especially the last few weeks I have been struggling greatly with my own sense of self-worth.  Talking with my wife
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Another New Year, New Life Changes!

Checking into this journal again since my last post at the end of last year. Looking back I realize it has been over 5 years since I started this journal, time goes by so fast! It's amazing to slow down and reflect on how much life can change just in 5 years.  New life events for 2023, I started a new job at an aerospace and defense company just over a month ago at the end of June. I had quite a few hesitations leaving my last role so quickly(just over a year) as well as going into a field which is quite foreign to me. However, the main motivation I found to move forward was the opportunity to learn. If I were to remain afraid to take steps outside my comfort zone, I would not be able to push my development and grow as an individual.  So far, the job has been relatively good in the sense that I have had the opportunity to get back into the lab, which I believe I did sorely miss in my last role. I am definitely learning a lot in terms of power supply design and testing as well as th
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End of 2022 Reflections

 Today is December 31, 2022 and I wanted to write some reflections on how the last year has been. One of my major goals for this year was to run 1000 miles during the year, and I'm happy to say that I achieved this goal! I ran for 1001.2 miles this year despite a few cases of illness(a case of COVID, a case of the stomach bug) as well as injury(posterior tibial tendonitis / pain in ankle and feet). In November, I was at about ~850miles completed and my feet and ankles were killing me(and still haven't completely recovered). First, it started out as pain in my right ankle and inside tendon. I thought it was because my shoes were worn out, but even after swapping in new shoes the pain didn't subside. I tried taking a few days break with no running and it did help, but I wasn't able to take enough time off for it to completely heal. As my right foot recovered, I think I started favoring my left side more and the same pain and soreness developed as a result. I was so close
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More Life Updates and Self-Reflections

Again, it's been awhile since my last entry, but again I feel the need to jot down my thoughts and to reflect on my life at this point in time.  A lot has changed again since my last update. Earlier this year I started a new job which I thought at the time would be a great new chapter of my life. I had achieved what I was working towards for many years: a higher title and a higher salary. Great! All is right in the world! However, as I soon found out(and what my much more wise wife has told me) money cannot solve all problems.  I originally took this role because the salary was a huge increase(50%!) and I thought that with my background I would be able to succeed in this role with minimal issue. However, this job has proven much more challenging than I expected.  It is working on the development side from inception of a product, through full test proposal, through implementation and release. The full life-cycle of a product. I do not have experience in such an extensive project, my
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Appreciating Memories and Letting Go

 Today was a very sad day in our lives. Sadly, we had to attend the funeral service(virtually, due to Covid concerns rising again) of our dear friend who unexpectedly and very suddenly had passed away last week on Sunday July 25th, 2021. I will always remember him as a very caring, jolly, and adventurous person. Whenever we would gather together with friends, he would talk about his latest travels(pre-pandemic) and all of the great food and experiences he had. He loved travelling, seeing new places, and exploring the culture and talking with the people he met. He was a man of few words, very private about his life, but when it came to friends and family he would do anything to make sure everyone was enjoying themselves and felt comfortable. After hearing all of the words spoken about him today, I had no idea how many people he had an impact on. But I can tell, he had a deep heart and was more like the silently loving father or uncle to many. The type of person who would do things behin
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A Check-In

 It's been quite a while since my last post and as I read through my past posts, I am happy to say that quite a lot of changes have happened in the last 2 years. The inspiration for the start of this online journal was due to extreme stress in my work and constant feeling of anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. It was a good way for me to have an outlet to express my thoughts and feelings in the moment as well as serve as an interesting way to look back on the past me. Shortly after my last post, in April 2019 I started a new job! I managed to escape the hell which was my last work group and start fresh in a new, supportive environment. The start of my new job was the beginning of implementing a new "smart" factory in my area to manufacture, assemble, and test new 5G radio products. It was a breath of fresh air to start working on something so new to me. A project I could learn and work hard on to make successful. A project that I actually cared about again. The initial
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Don't Let Negative People Affect YOUR Life!

Even when I read the title of this post I say to myself, "Easier said than done!" Whenever people are feeling down as a consequence of the actions of others, it's easy to say "Don't worry about it! Don't let those people affect you!" It's easy to say, but quite difficult to put into action. For the past year or so, I have been sitting and drowning in a negative work environment. I keep telling myself "Maybe it will get better! This is just a temporary period." But it is becoming more and more clear that if I don't actively work to change my own situation, no one is going to bail me out. I have been looking for other job prospects for about 7 months now and I am getting more frustrated and desperate as time goes on. Yesterday, I had my annual performance review with my manager where they give us our "white sheets". These papers outline your annual raise, bonuses, etc. and give employees and their managers a change to sit dow
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